The 6 Most Ridiculous Products Ever Made for Boobs

There are four pillars of existence that support the very foundations of the universe: the speed of light in a vacuum, the Planck constant, Newtonian gravity, and the all-encompassing awesomeness of breasts.

All of these concepts receive more than their share of attention from genuinely talented professionals and well-meaning amateurs alike. The science of boobology, in particular, is prone to attracting all sorts of enthusiasts, some of whom have only familiarized themselves with the intricacies of female anatomy through their sisters' Barbie dolls and RedTube.

Of course, this does nothing to stop them from designing products for boobs, because whatever could go wrong?

6

Kush Support Breast Separator

Douglas Freer/iStock/Getty Images

There are those who say that the most devastating force in the universe is dark matter. Others contest that it may be a supermassive black hole in the center of all things, or perhaps an Internet comedy writer on a Friday night bender. However, true scholars know that when our doom inevitably comes, it will come in the form of breasts.

Breasts that touch each other.

Stockbyte/Photos.com
OH GOD RUN.

Luckily, one plucky mammary researcher is fighting the impending boobocalypse with the Kush Support Breast Separator, a piece of in-no-way-phallic plastic that can be stuck between the breasts to prevent undue contact:

Kush

Kush
Buy one to match your skin tone! Or someone else's, that's cool too!

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The Kush Breast Separator's main selling point is that it prevents wrinkles and keeps the upper breast from crushing the lower one while the user sleeps on her side, although we know Kush's shadow agenda is all about preventing the inevitable boob revolution that will take place without this high level of isolation. If the boobs get too close, they'll start talking and getting ideas, you see, and we can't very well have them get organized, now can we? No, of course not. Separate quarters for you, boob and other boob.

Kush
You can tell she's relaxed because she's surrounded by a family of hideous-looking flower clip art.

5

The Invisinips

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Underboob, cleavage, sideboob, and practically-every-single-inch-of-the-goddamn-boob are all perfectly acceptable forms of breast display. Yet, as far as censorship and general morality are concerned, nipples are up there with certain orifice-y parts of the butt: You can show as much as you like and still get a PG-13 rating no problem, as long as that one terrifying square inch of your body doesn't make its presence known.

As you know from Biology 101, this is because all nipples are portals to a hell dimension.

UCLA
In real life, they're less gross.